ode to mono, you're smile was a tremendous light in the world

Each time i take a sip from my coffee mug, with the coffee the same temperature as the air around me, I put the mug back down on the table. And when it finds its spot I accidentally hit the small porcelin dragon sitting on the table and the most beautiful almost inaudible clink emanates and winds its way to my ears. Its a sound precious, like the smile from Mono. He was such a wonderufl kid. He had no control over his movements, his whole body constantly in motion. "a body in motion stays in motion" thats the first rule right? well let me tell you nothing came into contact with Mono, because he never stopped!
not at least until he was eating a few days ago. some food came into contact with him, and as he swallowed it strayed from his asophogas to his lung.
mariano, one of my boys from hogar told me. we were hoeing the weeds away at the farm on monday morning. the sun was breaking through the clouds and the heat was there to stay. the weeds were thick, but not overgrown...at least until we got to the final rows to hoe. there the weeds were thick, dense and wild. burdeoned with the desire for more, for light, for anything as they were left in the waste, to grow without supervision, to fall into a certain choir of chaos, a beautiful song of life, living without a grownup...like the kids here.
there are always adults around, but the adults really dont have as much control as you would think. they run wild, and act as if no one has ever told them "no."
as my hoe dug into the thicket, mariano, from the other end of the line we were working on, called out
"one of the kids from casa angeles died"
what¿? what do you mean?
"one of them died"
when? how? who??
"i dont really know when or how. bryan was his name"

Mono thats all i knew him as. Mono. Put his name in the past tense and wrap that shit up. call it a spring roll because he was sprouting life like the spring.
that was monday. and it seems like a lifetime ago. and it is. its Mono's lifetime ago.
on monday evening i went in search of a hug. i found jenna and jose, and left in a huff. i went looking again and found jenna with dori this time. "i really really really need a raincoat" thats the song right now. it rained. i needed one. but the real rain coat i needed was a hug. jenna tried to give me a half haarted hug, and it hurt more than not having any at all. i would rather have eggs thrown at me than get a halfhearted hug when i need a real one the most.
tuesday is closer to this year, but still an entire childhood away. its been so long, so much energy, so many emotions, so much, so much.
we had the funeral mass...which wasn't a mass because we didnt have a father, so it was a funeral celebration...kinda weird, but whatever. then we went to the cemetary. before i had asked stefan (the head of the ranch) if he wanted photos, he said no. i was releived. i hate taking photos in moments like this. i mean, interesting...yes. worth the angry looks people give you? no. well, the tias from casa angeles got there and immediately asked me to take some photos. i about ran around hysterically, but kept things to myself. jenna found me and said she could give me a hug now. i gave her a half-hug as i was still unhappy with her. i'm still undecided, but think that a simple thing like a hug shouldnt sour an entire friendship...i just feel very hurt by it all.
we went to the cemetary and buried Mono. it hurt. the sun beat down and my jeans filled with sweat. the grave wasn't big enough when we got there so they had to dig more. one of my boys from hogar was a douche. he kept talking during the burial. i tried to get him to be quiet but he wouldnt listen to me. we're to have a talk about being respectful. but he's scared of me. so the talk is still waiting to take place. its like procrastination, but in a beligerent way. he knows exactly what we're going to talk about and doesnt want to do it because he refuses to admit that he did any wrong.
tuesday evening was even more fun. as i got dirt thrown in my face, and boiled over into a thundergod of the volcanic islands in the pacific. you can call me hekili makua.
i raged and spewed fire. terrible quakes ran out from my feet and lightning shot from my eyes. i embodied the thunderstorm and it embodied me.
i went back later and apologized for my transformation to mr. hyde, and asked for their forgiveness. the girls accepted.
me fuckin alegre. i've now gotten myself into and out of 2 pickles for the day, taken photos of dead peoples celebrations, and thrown tantrums for the greeks to write about.
wednesday...hoot. where did that one come from. i had work to do. left over from the two days before. i went down to the pond to take some photos and pushed jesse into the pool. she was not too happy...in fact i'm still trying to figure out how much she hates me now. ahh well. i didnt get all the photos i needed, but i did have an interesting time. right after she fell into the water, i looked into her eyes. rage burned in them at that moment, like the sun had been captured in her sight and shot right back at me. i gave my camera to a tia immediately and accepted all the water that was to come, as all the kids came to her defense and soaked me quite thoroughly. i laughed and smiled and ran around.
thursday i found myself working with my boys at the farm again. am still sore from all the hoein we did.
and today? hah. what a beautiful day. after nights and nights of rain, with no power, and nothing to do. they rains have idled for a little bit, it only drizzled this evening. i still havent talked with cristian, but not for lack of trying.
i tried to leave my house 3 times today. the last, i had left, and picked the skin off a blister from the previous days work, so decided to return and put some cologne on it before i went to work. when i came out of my room, still in a little pain...but smelling very nice, cate was there with the water bottle men. she informed me that she just saw the ingeniero, and i went corriendo to find him.
since the ingeniero was my likely ride to nicaragua, i needed to talk to him quickly. i found him and he said that he would give me a ride to the nph house in nicaragua. i ran back to my house happy as an orange leaf in fall, got my camera, and said "thats it, i've got to finish this list today!"
i finished it for the most part, i'm still missing a few, but not very many at all. now i've just got the thank you letters and a child story to write before monday evening.
this has been one of the longest weeks of my life. today when i saw stefan, i noticed how his hair is starting to gray. if i were him i would keep it really short too. he's too young to be graying, but he is, and most of its the stress from this job he's got. trying to make sure that not too many of the 600 kids die at any given time...hah. what a ridiculocity. can you even imagine:
Job Opening
position: national director large home for orphans
description: find kind ways to punish kids, and make sure that not too many of them die under your watch. please, no more than 1 every 3 months
pay: hah, you wish
hours: comparable to your pay, only opposite. if you think you can get drunk at night, think again because you have to go take a kid to the hospital cuz he just got his head smashed in by a brick on the street by an ex-pequeño from the same organization this kid is a part of still
experience: mma background prefered, but will accept accertive germans as long as you can handle assholes from boston

yup, sounds pretty fun, right??